Oral /Space and exchanges Bonjour, sachant que je vais bientôt passer mon oral d'anglais du Bac sur une des notions je voudrais et aimerais que quelqu'un vers q
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Question
Oral /Space and exchanges
Bonjour,
sachant que je vais bientôt passer mon oral d'anglais du Bac sur une des notions je voudrais et aimerais que quelqu'un vers qui je porterais toute ma gratitude prenne le temps de me corriger grammaticalement. Merci d'avance !
I will introduce the notion of space and exchange through immigration to usa .
The first inhabitants were Dutch French and English. Then in 1776 usa réclalment their independence .
Since the beginning of the twentieth century united states have seen several waves of immigration.
But what causes foreigners came to live in the usa ?
I will talk firstly the history of immigration usa .
There was a first wave in the late nineteenth century with nearly 14 million immigrants came essencielement northern europe in order to have a new life and climbing the social ladder .
The second wave took place in the twentieth century. Immigrants who passed the travel in horrible conditions flee their country because of their religions , came to ellis island to undergo medical tests. Laws have been written as 'chinese exclusion act ', the ' alien contract labor law' to allow authorities to better manage the population. But in 1965 the ' quota laws ' were abolished and thus allow growth to new immigration.
Many if not to say all are immigrant came to find work and thus improve the quality of life .
Fang Yi Sheu is a dancer who came to make his passion his profession in NY. But too many people are like her and labor demand is greater than the number of positions . Moreover, its country of origin as well as her parents missing. But his determination is so great which tries to realize his dream even if it for the American dream is not as good as one can imagine.
For this Indian , before living in the usa american life was the same as the series ' dallas ' . But once on the scene of life is not like on TV .
The usa also find the ' dream act' which stands for ' develpment Relief and Education for Alien Minors . It allows illegal immigrants to become U.S. citizens by joining the army or going a diploma.
The American dream is very controversial because many tries their luck but the probability of success is very low. But that does not enpeche some continue their luck.
Bonjour,
sachant que je vais bientôt passer mon oral d'anglais du Bac sur une des notions je voudrais et aimerais que quelqu'un vers qui je porterais toute ma gratitude prenne le temps de me corriger grammaticalement. Merci d'avance !
I will introduce the notion of space and exchange through immigration to usa .
The first inhabitants were Dutch French and English. Then in 1776 usa réclalment their independence .
Since the beginning of the twentieth century united states have seen several waves of immigration.
But what causes foreigners came to live in the usa ?
I will talk firstly the history of immigration usa .
There was a first wave in the late nineteenth century with nearly 14 million immigrants came essencielement northern europe in order to have a new life and climbing the social ladder .
The second wave took place in the twentieth century. Immigrants who passed the travel in horrible conditions flee their country because of their religions , came to ellis island to undergo medical tests. Laws have been written as 'chinese exclusion act ', the ' alien contract labor law' to allow authorities to better manage the population. But in 1965 the ' quota laws ' were abolished and thus allow growth to new immigration.
Many if not to say all are immigrant came to find work and thus improve the quality of life .
Fang Yi Sheu is a dancer who came to make his passion his profession in NY. But too many people are like her and labor demand is greater than the number of positions . Moreover, its country of origin as well as her parents missing. But his determination is so great which tries to realize his dream even if it for the American dream is not as good as one can imagine.
For this Indian , before living in the usa american life was the same as the series ' dallas ' . But once on the scene of life is not like on TV .
The usa also find the ' dream act' which stands for ' develpment Relief and Education for Alien Minors . It allows illegal immigrants to become U.S. citizens by joining the army or going a diploma.
The American dream is very controversial because many tries their luck but the probability of success is very low. But that does not enpeche some continue their luck.
1 Réponse
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1. Réponse MathieuM
Ton texte est maladroit et bourré de fautes, notamment les omissions de l'article défini (ex récurrent : the US, tu oublies de mettre l'article systématiquement). Sur le plan rhétorique, l'articulation des parties n'est pas bien faite, tu passes d'une idée à une autre sans faire de lien. Les connecteurs sont importants, utilise-les : therefore, then, consequently, ...
Sur le plan argumentatif, il y a peu d'exemple et les repères historiques dont tu te sers ne sont pas précis, incomplets et largement simplifiés. Ce texte est trop court et le développement ne tient que sur une partie voir une partie et demi. Il aurait fallu parler un peu plus de l'immigration actuelle, là tu ne fais parler que d'une danceuse. Si tu veux avoir une bonne note, il faudrait étoffer ta présentation et construire une véritable argumentation avec une problématique moins simpliste.
Voilà le texte corrigé dans son ensemble :
I will introduce the notion of space and exchange through immigration to the USA (the parce que United States est spécifique, on parle des États-Unis d'Amérique et donc il faut l'article).
The first inhabitants of the USA (then called the United Colonies) were the Dutch, the French and the British (the devant les noms de peuples). In 1776, the Lee Resolution, also known as the resolution of independence, was an act of the Congress declaring the independence of the British Empire.
After the independence, the USA were seen as a free, vast country able to welcome European and Asian immigrants. Since the beginning of the nineteenth century, the United States have seen several waves of immigration. We can now a But what causes foreigners came to live in the usa ?
#n'oublie pas que les vagues d'immigrations ont commencé bien avant le 20e siècle (immigration irlandaise, chinoise, polonaise, allemande, ...)
First, I will talk about the history of immigration in the USA. The first wave of immigrants in the mid nineteenth century with nearly 14 million immigrants came mainly from northern Europe in order to have a new life and to rise on the social ladder .
The second wave occurred during the twentieth century. Those immigrants were actually escaping (prétérit) their country for religious reasons. Once they ended the travel in horrible conditions - one of seven travellers died (1/7 des voyageurs périrent -, they landed (=débarquer) on Ellis island to undergo medical tests. Due to the increasing number of immigrants, the Congress passed the Emergency Quota Act, followed by the Immigration Act of 1924. Those lawas aimed at limiting the immigration from Southern and Eastern Europeans, especially the Jews, Italians and Slavs who started entering the country from 1890s. However, the Immigration and Nationality Act of 1965 abolished the system of national-origins quotas.
The reason why so many immigrants came is the fact that the people have considered the US as a land full of opportunities and freedom. Improving their quality of life also was a reason for them to move to this country.
I am going to speak about the example of Fang Yi Sheu, a dancer who came to New York to live up to his passion. But too many people are like her and the labor demand is greater than the supply. Her determination is so great that he tries to realize her dream even if the American dream she was expecting was quite illusive.
For this Chinese (tu devrais faire un minimum attention parce que confondre la nationalité d'une personnalité que tu as étudiée en cours ça le fait pas devant un examinateur), before living in the usa american life was the same as in the series ' dallas '. But once on the scene of life is not like on TV.
The USA also find the "dream act" which stands for ' development Relief and Education for Alien Minors. It allows illegal immigrants to become U.S. citizens by joining the army or going a diploma.
The American dream is very controversial because many people have tried their luck but the probability of success is very low. But that does not prevent them from immigrating.